Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
