Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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