Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
