I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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