Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
