you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
