Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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