i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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