How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
