i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
