dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
