New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
