I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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