Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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