all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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