I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
