I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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