New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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