FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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