i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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