trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
