ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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