So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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