Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
