Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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