The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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