I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize