You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
