I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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