Moan for me like Helen Keller
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
