In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
