jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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