i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
