he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
