dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize