There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
