Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
ttyl tear gas
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
