I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
