I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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