So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
