can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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