I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
