You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
