Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
