I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
