So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize