Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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