You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
