i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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