How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
You work out of a Hotel?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
