walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
