i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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