Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
