Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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