I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
