apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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