I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
