i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
