I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
