im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
