Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
