I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
