They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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