Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
