when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
