Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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