11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
