i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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