Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
