Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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