it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize