I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub