Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos