I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
