I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
