my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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